Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Randomize
