Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
