True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
she pinky promised me she was 18
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
