I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
