Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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