I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
