My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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