It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
