And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
