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Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
