I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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