You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
i believe in u and ur pee
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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