absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
