i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Randomize
