Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
