apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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