dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
