I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
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