his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
