Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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