Only a mothe r could love this liver
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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