so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
