i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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