My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
