I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
