so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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