It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
home. puking in laundry basket.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
