Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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