Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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