Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
This toilet bowl is my home.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
