WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
