Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
