my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
