Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
