If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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