So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
