totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
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