whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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