i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
