dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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