I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
