they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
