I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
