Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
