I just saw a hot homeless man
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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