Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
