Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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