She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Randomize
