GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
