Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
