I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
